This is a very good essay on the subject of failure. Thanks for introducing Costica Bradatan to me.
Personally I had feared failure most of my life, because of my own panchant for worldly success and my perfectionism. But life has a way to teach me the importance of embracing failure as a fact of life, and to reframe it as a stepping stone in our non-linear path of personal growth. The more "failures" I experience in life, the more humility and insight I gain, and the more empathic and compassionate I become toward others. Most important of all, I learned about compassion toward myself and accept the parts that I used to reject. I'm still working on my tendancy of being hard on myself--that when I fall short of my self-imposed standard, I'd call myself a total failure. This is a life-long habit that requires some "de-programming." But being aware of it is a good start.
BTW, I recently started reading a book called "In Praise of Shadows" by Japanese author Junichiro Tanizaki. He talks mostly about the elevated status of shadows in Japanese architecture and interior design. However, the concept is parallel to Jungian concept that calls for embracing the "shadow side" of our psyche. My innerwork has been integrating the shadows to restore wholeness to my psyche. Working with my own idea of "failures" is part of this work.
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts Louisa!
I also have an "all or nothing" approach towards myself, which leads to thoughts of "I am a total failure" when I fail. It can be very unpleasant. I am trying to be more compassionate towards myself but it is a work in progress, to say the least.
I will definitely check out Junichiro Tanizaki. The book sounds really interesting. Thank you for introducing him to me, I appreciate it! And I really like your description of "integrating the shadows to restore wholeness to my psyche." It is really well put!
My pleasure, Doga. I also appreciated reading about subjects that I have ruminated myself. It opens up channels of deeper thoughts and makes me feel less alone in my head, ha ha!
I think you will enjoy Tanizaki's book. It was written in the early 20th century and I believe that you, a historian, will appreciate reading about the nostalgia conveyed by the author.
This is such a good post. So clear and thought provoking.
My particular experience of failure is that I have constantly tried to succeed, whilst knowing that part of the reason I am not succeeding is that I always hold back a bit from fully trying, so I have it as an excuse for when I inevitably fail. Or maybe I am kidding myself on this point as well.
I also have tried to succeed at so many things that I think “surely I will actually be successful at something in the end” I then envision success, and whatever that currently looks like for me, and instantly know that if I were to “succeed” it would not make me happy or complete and would come with it’s own set of disappointments and insecurities.
Maybe too pessimistic 😊 but I don’t feel down about it, it’s just how I feel and I am okay with that.
I’m going to keep trying because I believe that moving forward and having a sense of purpose is important for good mental health… but— whilst in pursuit of a sense of purpose, I want to always check that I am working on whatever I am working on for the higher good and not as a way of validating my own existence …obviously this is too, something that I fail at all the time.
I may also have a tendency to hold back a little so that I can have something to blame if things don't go as I want. I'll actually think about this more deeply, so thanks for raising that point!
Yes, I'm also struggling with trying to find something that I think adds purpose to my life. I think the last time I really felt it was when I was trying to complete my PhD. I never thought I'd say this but looking back I think I was pretty content on working something that gave me a sense of purpose. Ever since I left academia, though, I have struggled with finding that sense of purpose again although I am trying out different things. I hope I'll make my peace with it somehow.
This is a very good essay on the subject of failure. Thanks for introducing Costica Bradatan to me.
Personally I had feared failure most of my life, because of my own panchant for worldly success and my perfectionism. But life has a way to teach me the importance of embracing failure as a fact of life, and to reframe it as a stepping stone in our non-linear path of personal growth. The more "failures" I experience in life, the more humility and insight I gain, and the more empathic and compassionate I become toward others. Most important of all, I learned about compassion toward myself and accept the parts that I used to reject. I'm still working on my tendancy of being hard on myself--that when I fall short of my self-imposed standard, I'd call myself a total failure. This is a life-long habit that requires some "de-programming." But being aware of it is a good start.
BTW, I recently started reading a book called "In Praise of Shadows" by Japanese author Junichiro Tanizaki. He talks mostly about the elevated status of shadows in Japanese architecture and interior design. However, the concept is parallel to Jungian concept that calls for embracing the "shadow side" of our psyche. My innerwork has been integrating the shadows to restore wholeness to my psyche. Working with my own idea of "failures" is part of this work.
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts Louisa!
I also have an "all or nothing" approach towards myself, which leads to thoughts of "I am a total failure" when I fail. It can be very unpleasant. I am trying to be more compassionate towards myself but it is a work in progress, to say the least.
I will definitely check out Junichiro Tanizaki. The book sounds really interesting. Thank you for introducing him to me, I appreciate it! And I really like your description of "integrating the shadows to restore wholeness to my psyche." It is really well put!
My pleasure, Doga. I also appreciated reading about subjects that I have ruminated myself. It opens up channels of deeper thoughts and makes me feel less alone in my head, ha ha!
I think you will enjoy Tanizaki's book. It was written in the early 20th century and I believe that you, a historian, will appreciate reading about the nostalgia conveyed by the author.
Yes, not feeling alone is important!
I'm curious about the book and hopefully get a chance to read it soon.
This is such a good post. So clear and thought provoking.
My particular experience of failure is that I have constantly tried to succeed, whilst knowing that part of the reason I am not succeeding is that I always hold back a bit from fully trying, so I have it as an excuse for when I inevitably fail. Or maybe I am kidding myself on this point as well.
I also have tried to succeed at so many things that I think “surely I will actually be successful at something in the end” I then envision success, and whatever that currently looks like for me, and instantly know that if I were to “succeed” it would not make me happy or complete and would come with it’s own set of disappointments and insecurities.
Maybe too pessimistic 😊 but I don’t feel down about it, it’s just how I feel and I am okay with that.
I’m going to keep trying because I believe that moving forward and having a sense of purpose is important for good mental health… but— whilst in pursuit of a sense of purpose, I want to always check that I am working on whatever I am working on for the higher good and not as a way of validating my own existence …obviously this is too, something that I fail at all the time.
Thank you Rich! I'm glad you liked it.
I may also have a tendency to hold back a little so that I can have something to blame if things don't go as I want. I'll actually think about this more deeply, so thanks for raising that point!
Yes, I'm also struggling with trying to find something that I think adds purpose to my life. I think the last time I really felt it was when I was trying to complete my PhD. I never thought I'd say this but looking back I think I was pretty content on working something that gave me a sense of purpose. Ever since I left academia, though, I have struggled with finding that sense of purpose again although I am trying out different things. I hope I'll make my peace with it somehow.